The reluctant bloke and couples counselling
1 Dec 11
Four little words,” we need to talk,” strike fear into most men’s hearts after coming in the door after a days work.
Men know those four little words mean they are about to be hit by a baseball bat of words.
But help is at hand guys.
There is always the promise to go to couple counselling.
You never know you might even enjoy speaking your mind and learn new undiscovered things about your partner.
Unfortunately in reality most men usually go kicking and screaming (only internally) to couple counselling. It usually goes something like this, “What’s the point of all this yammering, haven’t we talked about the issues endlessly for years?”
Or, “Not arguing saves time so why can’t we just carry on without any fuss?”
Well guys you obviously haven’t been listening nor have you talked it out satisfactorily because now finally you are in this position, where you have to deal with those four chilling words.
Couples, especially those that have been together a long time, form patterns of behaviours where every day they misunderstand each other.
Assumptions are made and couples stop listening or being heard properly.
To ease your guilt guys, you get off because it’s a case of just being human.
We are all guilty of it.
Now it’s time to ask how good is your relationship?
You will already know deep down if it is good or not. Maybe your relationship just needs a tune up. Now that’s the language men can get their heads around.
A trained counsellor will assess what stage a couple is in when consulting them for the first sessions.
If couples argue regularly, (bickering), but resolve issues while maintaining respect for each other, then only short term counselling should be necessary to stop the bickering.
If couples argue regularly but don’t resolve issues, then there are normally other deeper issues at play that need to be resolved.
Then there is the couple that does not argue at all, even though there are issues upon issues, all buried under the carpet.
Each partner has by this stage decided not to speak their minds and just go through the motions of daily domestic life without rocking boats.
Couples in this last stage, over long periods of time, are more likely to break up or at best live lonely detached lives.
Good relationships are built on honesty and clarity. When we are really heard and when we really listen amazing new things happen.
An increasing number of men are taking up the challenge of counselling - often as the result of a last-ditch, let’s-save-this-relationship-or-I’m-outta-here ultimatum, uttered by their partner. That is the baseball bat. Ouch!
It hurts so much because it usually comes unexpected. “I thought things were just fine.” So guys if you hear those four terrible, chilling, and evil words, “we need to talk”, don’t get scared just say, “Okay I hear you, let’s make an appointment to see a couples counsellor.”
Gerry North is a qualified counsellor in KangarooValley. 0411 368 142. If you have an issue you want discussed you can email him on gerrynorthcounsellor@gmail.com