March 2011 - Snakes alive
Snakes have had very bad press since Eve took that apple.
I remember talking to my old comrade, Unfortunate O'Day, about the ramifications of Eve taking the apple.
He is a wise man. Not alone does he have great insight, but his outsight is not bad either. "where would be be," I asked reflectively, "if Eve had refused the apple?" He answered without hesitation:"In the garden of Eden sucking on an orange."
Robert of the sleeping fish was bitten by a snake on the ankle. "which one?"
I enquired. "I don't know,"said he,"to me all snakes look the same."
That is not true. Robert being bitten by the snake is true, but that all snakes look alike is not true.
Snakes come in more colours than you'd see at a Chinese New Year parade.
They have more designs than you'd find at a fashion parade.
I must say, when you see some of the models at the fashion shows, the only difference between them and the snakes is,THE SNAKES ARE FATTER.
Both, however, models and snakes have the seemingly unseeing eyes of a statue, a face like an unblemished roof tile and in the case of the model,a mouth that hasn't moved since they went on a diet.
At least the snake will stick its tongue out at you.
Ireland is a snake free country, apart from the odd politician and banker.
You could possibly throw the odd lawyer into the pit and he wouldn't be out of place.
It was the arrival of the venerable St. Patrick that, according to legend, doomed the Irish snake to exile.
For those of you who are not aware of it, the good Saint's day will be upon us of the 17th of this month.
What a decent, loving saint he was to the Irish. His feast day comes in the middle of Lent. (that is the Christian Ramadam)Lent was a time of sacrifice and denial.
You could well give up the pleasures of life for forty days. No drinking, smoking, dancing, the eating of meat and any other enjoyable activity you can think of.
But then, right in the middle of Lent, when life was becoming rather intolerable, the good Saint's feast day comes.
Now, I ask you, what good is a feast day without some singing and dancing and eating of meat, drinking and smoking and all the other enjoyments you have abstained from.
Thank you St. Patrick, the safety valve of Irish sanity.
How St. Patrick got rid of the snakes has never been explained. What can you do to get a snake's attention.
I can understand if St. Patrick got rid of cats.
He could travel about going "here puss, here puss, puss, puss!" Even chickens will come to "chuck, chuck, chuck".
But snakes! All I can think of is that he had an army of Indian and Egyptian flute players wandering around the country side.
I have never been a fan of snakes.
They look at you with unblinking eyes and a supercilious look that suggests it knows something you don't.
I think twice before picking up a garden hose. I have been known to break out in a sweat at the sight of a large cucumber. No, snakes are not,my favourite. I can hardly touch the jelly snakes you get in the lolly shop.
To get rid of all the snakes in Australia, I suggest the entire population dress up as St. Patrick or learn to play the flute.