August 2011
As the saying goes: it's an ill wind that doesn't blow some good.
And let me tell you, the July wind was not at all well. It was very ill.
In fact it was downright diseased.
In human terms it was on a par with the plague, smallpox, typhoid, gout and bunions.
It was Shakesperean in its proportions.
I expected to come across three witches sitting around a cauldron.
I could imagine Lear and Prospero pleading with John Bell to put on a musical.
If Noah had wind like that instead of rain, he would have cancelled the trip.
I would not be at all surprised to hear that because of the strong wind, Australia has been blown twenty kilometres to the east.
The wind, made visible only by the dancing trees, their leaves touching and kissing in the hurley burley of the ballet was beautiful to watch....for about twelve minutes.
Obviously the trees were exhausted from dancing because four of them rolled over.
A fifth tree tried to lie down but the wind was so strong, it kept getting blown back up again.
The chook pen, which, under the auspices of the Leader of the Opposition looks more like a chook McMansion: it has a window with lace curtains, a door with house numbers and a letter box.
I don't know why. My house doesn't have a letter box, but the chook pen does. Correction: the chook pen had all the above mentioned articles, but now alas, thanks to the wind and the willow, now looks like a Sydney street that fell into the hands of a developer.
Having no power, we were all huddled around the fire on which we cooked our food. Correction: on which we burned our food. Where were you Dr. Rosemary when we needed you.
Although the apprentice leader of the Opposition, who had some girlfriends staying, said that toast made on an open fire, and I quote "is 300% better than toaster toast."
The girls all agreed. They all failed maths.
Cooking on an open fire was an interesting exercise. What with burned hands and cut fingers from the tin opener.
It wasn't until the next morning, while looking out the window at the devastation, that I saw it...the gas powered barbeque.
So instead of a roast dinner, we sat around eating tins of beansl.
I pointed out that we should count our blessings because we were safe from the terrible wind, to which the Leader of the Opposition exclaimed: "We would be if you stopped eating the beans."
We can be thankful we didn't have rain.
We've had plenty of that. I heard we had so much rain that properties were no longer being sold by the hectacre but by the litre.
My mate, Unfortunate O'Day, told me about his cousin who lives in Canberra.
It was so cold, one of his fingers fell off.
He went to the hospital. the doctor asked him what happened.
"I don't know.. I'm a rock and roll singer and there I was, waaiting for a bus and I was rehearsing one of my songs. I clicked my fingers,just like that…
Oops, there's another one gone.
Sean Kramer