April 2011
A funny thing happened on the way to the polls.
I'd made up my mind on which way to vote but when I got there, I'd changed my mind six times.
I no longer felt like a voter. I felt like a poll dancer.
Elections are fun. They give the community a chance to get together even if it's only for a few hours outside the polling station.
Crowds of people standing at the entrance.
If you didn't know it was an election you'd swear it was an accident.
I suppose that's what elections are: an accident waiting to happen.
All the helpers are handing out advice and How To Vote cards, but when you look at the candidates, you realise the helpers should be handing out showbags.
I looked at the choices I had and thought to myself: this could be the first election in history where everybody came second.
Elections are not what they used to be.
I'll never forget the first time I voted: Dublin l962. Nor will I forget the second, third, fourth and fifth time I voted: Dublin l962.
Those were the days.
The candidates would give speeches in halls, on street corners, at busstops, where ever there was a group of people, there they would be, speechifying.
They would get voted into Parliament and you'd never hear from them again.
There was a time in Ireland when we finished with our politicians, we didn't vote, we shot them.
Let's face it, a bullet is cheaper than the lurks, perks and pensions.
Politicians don't make speeches any more, they advertise.
They will turn up to a free lunch or barbeque but no speeches.
It's interesting to drive along and see all the posters of smiling candidates outside houses that used to have for sale signs up.
I wonder if the message is - they can be bought.
I wonder what they cost. I wouldn't mind having one as a pet.
Now I'm being silly. I already have a goat.
I have heard that one well advertised politician is so hungry for publicity he has a card in his wallet which read: I AM A CANDIDATE. IN CASE OF ACCIDENT PLEASE CALL A PRESS CONFERENCE.
Why do so many people take an instant dislike to some politicians?
I suppose it saves time.
I pondered over where my vote would go, but the Leader of the Opposition told me where to put it.
I argued very strongly for the democratic right to make my own mistake.
I told her not to tell me how to vote.
I pointed out that I would not be told by her.
"I will not be told, do you understand, don't tell me.!!!"
It worked. She just left a threatening note on my desk.
In the long run it doesn't matter who you vote for, you end up with a politician.
What we really need is more people giving up politics but still staying in office.
Here is a question.
If an intelligent politician, an intelligent woman and the Easter Bunny got into a lift and discovered a $50 note on the floor, who would pick it up? The intelligent woman of course, the other two don't exist.